Thomas Milano
? The "Rocky" movies allow their titles to stand alone, but here's a suggestion for a
subtitle to the latest "Rocky V: The Well Has Gone Dry."
? ? ? Suggesting screenwriter-star Sylvester Stallone has gone to the well once too often is
perhaps about four films late, but "Rocky V" is so shrill, so over-the-top, so annoying that
one wonders why director John G. Avildsen bothered taking the assignment.
? ? ? ? ? ? ? To say "Rocky V" is heavy-handed is to understate, with every actor getting an
opportunity to look foolish and none to develop any dimension.
? ? ? When, early on, Rocky says, "Ahhh, yo!" it sounds like self-parody.
? ? ? The climactic bout of "Rocky IV" is reprised under the credits, reminding us that
Rocky Balboa (Stallone) knocked the stuffing out of a Russian boxing machine (Dolph
Lundgren) in the Soviet Union last time around.
? ? ? "Rocky V" picks up the story the moment the fight ends as Rocky demonstrates motor
damage and, sure enough, later has doctors confirm the fear that he has suffered a few too
many blows to the head and has brain damage.
? ? ? Another fight will surely kill him, we're told.
? ? ? Rocky's wife Adrian (Talia Shire) shrieks at him each time he's approached by a
loud-mouth promoter named Duke (Richard Gant), who is sort of Don King without the
hair. And she wonders if Rocky isn't trying to relive his life through someone else when he
agrees to manage another fighter, Tommy "Machine" Gunn (professional boxer Tommy
? ? ? But Rocky, thanks to his brother-in-law Paulie (Burt Young), has lost all his money.
Rather than compromise himself doing high-profile endorsements, however, Rocky feels
forced to move the family back to the slums of South Philadelphia. And he sees in Gunn a
chance to get back into the game and earn some legitimate money.
? ? ? Meanwhile, Rocky Jr. (Stallone's real-life son, Sage) is getting beat up in his new
school and Dad can't seem to find time to help him learn self-defense ? he's too busy
training Gunn.
? ? ? It sure doesn't take long to turn Gunn into a champion, but, of course, Duke comes
along and corrupts the young fighter, turning him against Rocky. And, as you may have
seen in previews and TV spots, the climactic fight this time is a Christmas Eve street
? ? ? That final fight does have some energy and there is a nice moment with Rocky's late
friend/manager Mickey (Burgess Meredith) making an appearance as a memory, but most
of the dialogue exchanges are stiff and awkward, the story wallows in sentiment and is
surprisingly sluggish ? despite a rocking soundtrack filled with rap music ? and the
performances in general are very weak. Even Stallone seems to be sleepier than usual here.
? ? ? "Rocky V" is a sad note on which to end this series, and even die-hard fans will
doubtless be disappointed this time out.
? ? ? It is rated PG-13 for violence, a couple of profanities and brief nudity.