MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET WOMEN: A Chemical Analysis ELEMENT: Woman SYMBOL: WO DISCOVERER Adam ATOMIC MASS: Accepted as 118 lbs, known to vary from 110 to 550 lbs. OCCURRENCE: Copious quantities throughout the world. PHYSICAL PROPERTIES: 1. Surface usually covered with a painted film. 2. Boils at nothing, freezes without reason. 3. Melts if given special treatment. 4. Bitter if incorrectly used. 5. Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore. 6. Yields to pressure applied to correct points. CHEMICAL PROPERTIES: 1. Has great affinity for gold, silver, platinum and precious stones. 2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances. 3. May explode without prior warning and for no known reason. 4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increased by alcohol. 5. Most powerful money-reducing agent known to man. COMMON USES: 1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars. 2. Can be a great aid to relaxation. TESTS: 1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state. 2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen. HAZARDS: 1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands. 2. Illegal to possess more than one at a time.