Essay # 3 Cause Effect
The Higher Power
A person can't say that just once in their life they never questioned the way things were, or the purpose of their life. Young people often have many questions about religion and God but no one to answer or willing to answer their questions. Their are many times when people just choose not to believe in anything. They choose to try and deal with things on their own. For young people this is a very difficult task. People need something to believe in, whether it be a heaven and hell, an afterlife of some kind or someone that watches over them. If they don't life can be a long lonely difficult journey with you never finding the happiness that you seek.
The effects of a higher power, which I have long overlooked, have played a great deal in my life. When I was growing up I was raised in a Catholic community. I even went to a Catholic school. Life wasn't very kind to me at an early age. My parents divorced when I was 13 and I was sent to live with my mother. In all my years of religion and my faith in God, I questioned why? But yet I received no answer from this supreme being. I often fought with my mother and rarely saw my father except on the weeks I was allowed to see him. My belief in a higher power started to fade.
I stopped going to church about three months after their divorce. I tried coping with the loss of what I called a family life and again asked why this had to happen to me. I grew up pretty fast after the divorce. I worked hard in school and found a job at a local video store that took up the majority of my time. I worked most holidays, especially Christmas, so I wouldn't have to choose which parent to visit. Every Christmas I would go to midnight mass and I prayed. The problem was that I didn't know who or what I was praying to. After a while it seemed pretty

2
senseless and what was left of my higher power diminished in the wind. The only time I ever spoke to my higher power was when something went wrong. It was his fault my life was ending up the way it was.
I later decided to move in with my father. This didn't go over at all with my mother. It seemed she was more worried about her child support check than me. When the court battle was finally over, custody was awarded to my father on the condition that my mother never had to pay a penny of child support. I felt empty and alone. I didn't want to talk to anyone about how I felt, and I certainly didn't want to talk my higher power. If anything I wanted to blame him for everything. The loneliness of my life, the hatred that I felt for my mother; I blamed him.
Later in high-school, about my junior year, I fell in love for the first time. Her name was Dana and she was the nicest thing to me. I eventually started to talk to her and we became friends. We dated for about 4 months and just when things were going really well she ended it and just wanted to be good friends. I was crushed, angered, and once again alone. I couldn't possibly imagine what I was doing wrong. I indulged myself in even more work to hide from the pain that I was feeling. I felt like I was being punished by my higher power, I just didn't know why.
With college getting close I started to narrow down schools of my choice. I picked a school out of state away from home. It was my chance at starting fresh. This chance was clearly denied three months before the semester was scheduled to begin. With out-of-state tuition costing so much and hardly receiving a penny from financial aid, I had to turn down the program I worked so hard to get into; a class that only accepted 32 students into their design department.
With so much working against